WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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