I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I believe in your delicious
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
