he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
