We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
