he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
