we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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