I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
