I saw his package. It spoke to me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
that may or may not have been my penis.
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