he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
