I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
