So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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