I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
