I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize