im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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