listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
