That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
