Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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