Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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