If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
