Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We got so high we made milksteak
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
