I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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