i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
