Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
