Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
