My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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