He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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