we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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