absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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