I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
