I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
a search helicopter?!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Randomize
