i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you are never too drunk for berry picking
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
