I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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