please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
