Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
