literally had 100 drinks last night.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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