Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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