She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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