it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
