you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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