That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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