my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
