Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
