About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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