We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
