hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
