God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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