Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
