my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
