The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My dick has a subreddit
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
