am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
