How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
