You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
