Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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